


If You Do the Cooking By the Book...

by Anubis_2701



Series: SakuAtsu Fluff Week 2021 [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Cooking, Dialogue Heavy, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Kissing, M/M, Sexual Humor, YouTuber Miya Atsumu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anubis_2701/pseuds/Anubis_2701
Summary: “So, Omi-Omi, care to explain to my subscribers what we’re doing today?”Kiyoomi sighed. “I have been roped into helping Atsumu do something supremely stupid. For whatever reason, today, we’re going to be trying to bake a raspberry cheesecake-”“-with no recipe!” Atsumu interjected, grinning widely.“With no recipe,” Kiyoomi muttered, shaking his head. “We’re going to burn the fucking house down.”
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: SakuAtsu Fluff Week 2021 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115333
Comments: 10
Kudos: 206





	If You Do the Cooking By the Book...

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["Cooking Without Instructions" YouTube Series](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/754008) by Lewis Spears. 



> SakuAtsu Fluff Week Day 8, Tier 3 - "That's not what the instructions say."
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta [Ankal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankal/pseuds/Ankal)!!!

“Remind me why I agreed to do this again?”

“Because ya _love_ me?” Atsumu grinned.

“No way in hell.”

“Omiiii!” Atsumu screeched, making Kiyoomi wince with the sheer volume he managed to reach. Kiyoomi looked at the camera with desperation, sincerely wishing that the frame was wider so he could slide further away. He loved his boyfriend, he did, but Atsumu did have a tendency to yell whenever he got excited, and he had been wanting to launch this video series for a long time.

“Just start your damn intro,” Kiyoomi sighed, waving to the camera with a defeated look on his face. If he wasn’t able to escape from this ordeal via the frame, he would at least show his exasperation through his facial expressions. Atsumu pouted, but sighed overdramatically and nodded while Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, knowing full well this little snapshot of their exasperating life together would be in the video.

“Welcome back to my channel guys!” Atsumu said, grinning and doing jazz hands in the direction of the camera, “I have a very special guest with me today, as you guys have probably noticed, my boyfriend, Omi-Omi!” he indicated Kiyoomi with elaborate, sweeping movements. Kiyoomi gave the camera a deadpan look.

“Hi.”

“-Who could also stand to look a little more excited for this, but we’ll work on that,” Atsumu chirped, straightening up with a little bounce that was almost sickeningly cute. “But anyway! This video is gonna be a bit different to what I usually do, so hopefully we don’t mess this up too badly!”

Kiyoomi gave the camera a blank stare. He’d become rather known for them throughout the numerous videos he’d cameoed in on Atsumu’s channel, with more than a few people comparing him to the artful zooms used in _the Office._

“So, Omi-Omi, care to explain to my subscribers what we’re doing today?”

Kiyoomi sighed. “I have been roped into helping Atsumu do something supremely stupid. For whatever reason, today, we’re going to be trying to bake a raspberry cheesecake-”

“-with no recipe!” Atsumu interjected, grinning widely.

“With no recipe,” Kiyoomi muttered, shaking his head. “We’re going to burn the fucking house down.”

“Aww, don’t be like that, Kiyo!” Atsumu said with a grin. “I bet we’ll make a great cheesecake and finish today satisfied and happy!”

“And _I_ bet that we’ll be arrested for arson, get food poisoning and die in prison as a result.”

Atsumu rolled his eyes fondly. “My boyfriend, the eternal optimist, as ya can all see. Anyways, let’s get started! You wanna explain how this is gonna work, Omi?”

Kiyoomi shot him an incredulous look. “I explained the first part! Narrate your own fucking video.”

Shouyou, who had been the partner in crime who’d provided Atsumu with help planning this ridiculous scheme out, cackled as Atsumu made an offended noise.

“But Omiiiii, my fans are always saying they wanna see more of ya-”

“Yeah, _see_ more of me, not _hear_ more of me,” he countered, shoving a punnet of raspberries towards his boyfriend as Shouyou tried to continually muffle his laughter. “Go on and tell them about your scheme. You’re demanding enough.”

“Bold of ya to call _me_ demandin’ when _yer_ the one who always needs to get fucke-”

_“ATSUMU-”_

“Oh my _god_ -” Shouyou wheezed from behind the camera, doubling over as Kiyoomi made an incomprehensible screeching noise and whipped his boyfriend with a nearby tea towel.

“Fucking stop it, Tsumu, don’t put that in-”

Atsumu peered at Kiyoomi over his hands, which he’d raised to protect his face. “Never heard ya say _that_ before Omi-”

The sound of shrieking filled the room again, all to undoubtedly be edited out of the final cut while Shouyou lost his absolute shit in the background. They collected themselves a few minutes later, ready to actually start the video they’d set out to film.

(Viewers found the transition hilarious, given that they went from calm and teasing to rumpled and slightly red-faced, with only a small note stating “Atsumu got caught talking shit again” to explain the sudden, jarring change.)

“Alright! So, as I explained before, we have no instructions and no quantities to help us make this cheesecake, just a bunch of ingredients that Shouyou grabbed from the store fer us. Shoutout to ya, Shouyou. I really hope this onion is in here by mistake, though,” Atsumu said, holding up the vegetable in question with a slightly concerned look on his face.

“Oh shit! Yeah, that’s mine, sorry,” Shouyou ran into the frame and grabbed the onion, strolling out casually while winking at the camera. Kiyoomi sighed. Atsumu cackled. As per usual.

“Okay, so we have quite a few ingredients here,” Kiyoomi said, eying them cautiously, “and I’ll be honest, I have no clue which one to use first.”

“So, from first to last we got digestive biscuits,” Atsumu made a confused face at that, “butter, raspberries obviously, cream cheese, condensed milk, eggs, cream and vanilla extract.” They paused, exchanging a fearful glance. “Right, okay, so…”

“Well, I mean. There’s a lot of dairy stuff in there, and cheesecakes are like, cheesy, so why don’t we just combine all the dairy?”

“Got it,” Kiyoomi said, pulling out a massive mixing bowl as Atsumu separated every dairy product from the group and shoved them towards him. “But how much of each?”

“Uhh, fuck, I mean, we got, like, 500 grams of cream cheese here. That sounds like a lot.”

“...Yeah. I mean, it is a cheesecake, but I doubt that absolutely _all_ of that is supposed to be cheese.”

“True, true. So, let’s use, like, half.”

“Alright,” Kiyoomi said, roughly sticking a spoon into the cream cheese, roughly halving it and sticking the lump into the bowl, cringing. They were only one step into his recipe, and he could already tell they were doing it catastrophically wrong. “Alright, what next?”

“Condensed milk!” Atsumu exclaimed, twisting the lid off two cans that Shouyou had brought and promptly tipping them both into the bowl, emptying them completely. “That looks about right.”

“It doesn’t, but neither does what I did, so go for it,” Kiyoomi shrugged, “I’m just going to pour a dash of cream in there, because that is a _lot_ of liquid.”

“It can be a deconstructed cheesecake, it’s fine.”

“A-” Kiyoomi wheezed, taken off guard by the comment, “a deconstructed cheesecake? Are you just gonna serve people cream cheese and raspberries on a plate?”

“And charge like 3000 yen fer it.”

“Oh, but of course. How much butter do I add?”

Atsumu scrutinized the entire stick, which, according to the packaging, was 300 grams’ worth. “I dunno. All of it?”

“All of it,” they said in unison, before unwrapping it and dumping the whole stick in. Kiyoomi grabbed the bowl, jiggling it slightly. “I feel like we should have cut up that butter, or the cream cheese or something.”

“Yeah, that shit looks _chunky_ ,” Atsumu marvelled, poking at the mixture, which looked quite like a lactose intolerant’s worst nightmare. “Chunkyyy-”

“You’re insufferable,” Kiyoomi said fondly, leaning over to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek, “so what now?”

“I mean, I reckon the more solid stuff belongs in like, the base, like the biscuits and stuff. Maybe the eggs, too! I mean, I’ve made cookies before and ya put eggs in them, so since the base is like, cookie, right, we put the eggs in there, surely.”

“Yeah, sounds about right. But how many?”

“Well…the recipe for like, cakes use two, so maybe two eggs?”

“Right…” 

They each cracked an egg into a separate bowl for the base, and Kiyoomi shot a look at the camera. “Also, while we’re at it, I’d like to establish that I’m actually a good cook, but only when cooking Japanese food. I don’t get all this Western stuff.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Atsumu tutted, pulling out an electric whisk, frowning into the bowl of various dairy products. He plucked a knife from the drawer and started to poke at the contents, slicing in a way that made the metal scrape along the bowl with a horrific sound. Kiyoomi shot another unimpressed look at the camera.

“How much vanilla should I put in?” Kiyoomi asked, holding up the small bottle. “Because I’ve never used vanilla extract in anything before.”

“Well,” Atsumu said, cutting the power to the mixer and sliding the bowl towards Kiyoomi as he considered the bottle, “vanilla tastes really good, so, like, maybe half?”

Kiyoomi looked at it, shrugging before he dumped about half the bottle in.

Shouyou was cackling across the room again, and Kiyoomi frowned at him. Shouyou had a lot of experience with more Western-style cooking, since he’d been raised partially in America before his family moved back to Japan, so the laughter was hardly a vote of confidence. Judging by the grimace on Atsumu’s face, he agreed, and the two of them could only sigh and get back to what they hoped would become a decent cheesecake.

Kiyoomi started to crush biscuits for the base, once again having no clue how much to put it, and gave up halfway through, tossing the entire packet in. Atsumu was grimacing at whatever he had managed to create in the other bowl, and they both sighed in tandem.

“We can order food later, right? Or go to the _konbini_ for ice cream?” Atsumu murmured, placing the bowl on the benchtop and shuffling over to wrap his arms around Kiyoomi’s waist, watching as he continued to mix the biscuits and egg for the base.

“You have so little faith in our abomination,” Kiyoomi chuckled as Atsumu kissed the side of his neck, holding up the bowl that contained what was supposed to become the base, which looked rather more like sawdust mixed with water. “Is this not appetising to you?”

Laughing, Atsumu detached himself to add the raspberries into the cheesecake mix. “Which? The cheesecake or ya? Because the answers are very, _very_ different.”

“Keep it in your pants, scumbag,” Kiyoomi said primly as he greased and lined a pan, before throwing in the base, spreading it as evenly as possible. He surveyed the end result, shaking his head despairingly. “And yes, to that earlier question about getting ice-cream. This thing is scaring me.”

Atsumu cackled with laughter, moving over to pour the cheesecake mixture over the base, scraping down the sides of the bowl to catch any remaining ingredients. They watched it slide in with slightly discomfited expressions.

“It’s definitely not meant to be _that_ liquid, is it?”

“…I have no idea.”

“…Right.”

Kiyoomi was starting to think they would need to call an ambulance for Shouyou; that amount of breathless wheezing wasn’t normal, surely. 

Atsumu picked up the pan with two hands, and spun around, freezing for a moment before pivoting again and gently setting the pan down. He proceeded to facepalm so hard that Shouyou, who had been alternating between observing them and scrolling through his phone, looked up in alarm at the slapping sound. Kiyoomi looked at him.

“Oh, my fucking god,” Atsumu groaned, a red mark visible on his forehead when he withdrew his hand.

“What’s up?”

“We’re so dumb, Jesus, Kiyo, we didn’t preheat the oven.”

“Oh my _god_.”

They stared at the oven in dismay before Atsumu cursed under his breath and dialled it to 180 – a safe seeming number, and they stood glaring at it as they waited for it to reach the set temperature.

“So, I’m feelin’ good about this,” Atsumu said, poking the pan slightly and manifestly ignoring how much the cheesecake mixture – which they would later discover should have been fairly solid – jiggled. Kiyoomi raised an eyebrow.

“Only thing I’m feeling good about is our chances of poisoning ourselves,” Kiyoomi deadpanned, raising an eyebrow as the oven light flicked off, indicating it had finally heated up enough. “Oh hey, we can cook it now.”

“Ayy, nice!” Atsumu exclaimed, grinning as he slid whatever they had just created into the oven, shutting the door and dusting his hands off with a grin. “Can’t wait to see how it turns out.”

“I can't wait until it becomes sentient and eats your face off,” Kiyoomi said, shaking his head slightly. “Do we really have to try it?”

“I mean, if it _really_ looks like an alien lifeform, I guess not, but it _probably_ won’t kill us, so I reckon we should!”

“Ugh.”

“Be a little more excited, Omi-Omi!” Atsumu exclaimed, grabbing his hands and bouncing up and down a little while Kiyoomi fought down an endeared smile. “We’re cookin’ somethin’ together!”

“Dumbass,” Kiyoomi murmured, before tugging his hands free and wrapping them around his boyfriend’s neck, pulling him into a warm kiss. Atsumu hummed in contentment, grip sliding down to Kiyoomi’s waist as their mouths moved together, a warm flush spreading up Kiyoomi’s face when his boyfriend’s hair tickled at his forehead.

“You two will have to edit this bit out!” Shouyou called to them from across the room, where he’d been flipping through some manga. Atsumu giggled against his mouth, pressing Kiyoomi harder against the bench and kissing him again.

“I think I can deal with that,” Atsumu murmured, his next kiss falling on the edge of Kiyoomi’s mouth before he looked over to where they’d been working and wrinkling his nose, “ugh, I can smell all that dairy, though.”

“We should clean up,” Kiyoomi sighed regretfully, pulling out of the warm grip and starting to pick up the dirty bowls and containers scattered around. Atsumu pouted, but was quick to follow him, helping wash up the equipment and wipe down the counters. Then, as a reward, he let Atsumu sit him on the benchtop and continue where they’d left off from. Shouyou rolled his eyes at them and slipped into the next room to call one of his friends from Brazil.

The sound of the timer going off startled them out of their reverie, and they checked to ensure the camera was still on and recording before they dove into the video’s conclusion.

“Ok, so our beautiful creation-”

“-Horrific monstrosity-” Kiyoomi offered.

“-is finally done,” Atsumu said, gently elbowing him in the side, “so we can take it outta the oven and try it!”

“Oh, _joy._ ”

“Kiyoooooommmiiiii-” Atsumu whined, butting at his upper chest with his head, “come on, be a little more excited!”

Kiyoomi forced a smile, which undoubtedly looked strained and unnatural on his face. “Oh, yay, cheesecake, I’m _so_ excited-”

“Okay, that was terrifyin’, nevermind,” Atsumu grumbled, holding up their creation, “but now we feast!”

“I am not too encouraged by the fact that the middle is still squishy,” Kiyoomi muttered, poking the mixture with a combination of fascination and disgust. Atsumu wiggled the tray slightly, watching as the middle jiggled. They exchanged a look. “Uhh…”

“I mean, it won’t _kill_ us,” Atsumu said. “Let’s try it out!”

The cheesecake did not look remotely like what most cheesecakes Kiyoomi had observed in the past looked like, but it also _didn’t_ look like an alien child, so he counted it as a win. They cut slices that didn’t look nearly solid enough to constitute an edible meal, and, after shoving them onto plates – and forcing Shouyou to take one to try as well, for laughing at them so much – they tentatively ate some of it.

Atsumu made a face, and Kiyoomi was sure he made one, too, but it was Shouyou who best vocalised their thoughts.

“I mean, I’ll say this,” the short man said, chewing thoughtfully, “whatever you made is definitely _not_ cheesecake, and you got the recipe very wrong, but it doesn’t…taste that bad??”

“Mmm,” they both hummed in agreement.

“There’s a weird almost alcohol-like edge to it,” Atsumu muttered, looking at it with confusion, “you didn’t slip a shot of vodka in there to drown yer misery while I wasn’t lookin’, did ya Omi-Omi?”

“What? No,” Kiyoomi said, pouting. “And _you_ were the one in charge of the actual cheesecake mixture, remember. When would I have even spiked it?”

“True.”

“Actually, I think that taste is because you put half a bottle of vanilla extract in there,” Shouyou said, still eating the piece he’d been given for whatever reason, “that stuff is really concentrated.”

“It is?” Kiyoomi murmured, eyes widening when Shouyou handed him the bottle, pointing out a line of small text on the label. “Oh my fucking god, it is.”

“Ya know, that makes a lot of sense, actually,” Atsumu mused, setting down his plate. “I think I’ve had about enough of that. Ya still down fer a konbini detour?”

“Of course.”

“Well!” Atsumu faced the camera again with a wide grin. “Not necessarily perfectly edible, but not a complete failure, either! Not bad fer a first try without any instructions!”

“Why did I agree to do this again?”

“Shushh, Omi, ya’ll ruin my outro!”

Kiyoomi shot him a withering look as Shouyou cackled again, while Atsumu steamrolled over that insult to do his usual outro, bidding people to like and subscribe, and also encouraging them to point out to _actually_ make cheesecake in the comments. He threw up a cheery peace sign once done, right as Kiyoomi gave him the finger and Shouyou crumpled to the floor in laughter.

“And that’s a wrap!”

* * *

**Baking a Raspberry Cheesecake Without a Recipe (with Omi-Omi)**

10,421,007 views ∙ _11_ _th_ _Apr 2019_ 👍 152k ∙ 👎 1.2k 🔄 SHARE ➕ ADD

**Posted by Miyaa** **  
** **_12.3M Subscribers_ **

3,061 COMMENTS

**elle ro** _4 days ago_ _  
_ I am actually SOBBING at the looks on their faces at 14:51 like what in the FUCK did that thing taste like I gotta know  
👍 1.5k 👎 90 REPLY

🔽 View 46 Replies

> **Da ba dee da ba dyeee** _4 days ago_ _  
> _ Ok but the fact that Hinata tried it, criticised it, and then KEPT EATING IT LIKE BOI-  
>  👍 808 👎 33 REPLY
> 
> **michiko** _4 days ago_ _  
> __@da ba dee da ba dyeee_ Hinata is and always will be an icon istg  
>  👍 12 👎 0 REPLY 
> 
> **smoot smoot** _3 days ago_ _  
> _ very tempted to repeat this exactly like they did just to get a taste myself honestly  
>  👍 72 👎 5 REPLY 
> 
> **trasherthrasher** _3 days ago_ _  
> __@smoot smoot_ PLEASE DO  
>  👍 14 👎 1 REPLY 

**sakuatsu is my religion** _2 days ago_ _  
_ I see all the people coming to the comments for memes and I raise you this; people are coming to the comments for the SakuAtsu content  
👍 7.2k 👎 103 REPLY 

🔽 View 27 Replies

> **Locki** _2 days ago_ _  
> _ They could literally release an asmr video just insulting Atsumu’s viewers and I would watch it fifteen times a day.  
>  👍 98 👎 11 REPLY 
> 
> **nyahaha** _17 hours ago_ _  
> _ thiccest mood  
>  👍 5 👎 0 REPLY 

**SAKUATSU BRAINROT** _3 days ago_ _  
_ List of SakuAtsu moments in this video:  
0:37  
1:11  
2:02  
3:58  
5:40  
7:53  
9:55  
10:12  
13:55  
14:51  
15:27  
👍 9.8k 👎 303 REPLY 

🔽 View 15 Replies

> **natsu-o** _3 days ago_ _  
> _ the true MVP of this comments section  
>  👍 44 👎 3 REPLY 
> 
> **sebastien** _2 days ago_ _  
> _ They’re all so good but like 10:12 IN PARTICULAR IM SOBBING THESE TWO ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD-  
>  👍 101 👎 17 REPLY 
> 
> **conspiracist77** _2 days ago_ _  
> _ every SakuAtsu moment is a blessed SakuAtsu moment. Gotta wonder if there are moments they remove from the final cut tho 🤔  
>  👍 243 👎 28 REPLY 

**dabbing the tears away** _11 hours ago_ _  
_ I am literally BEGGING Atsumu to do more of these like fam……I have never laughed so hard before in my LIFE I was tryna not puke on my keyboard the whole time  
👍 1.4k 👎 51 REPLY 

* * *

Atsumu read through the comments with relish, while Kiyoomi lay nuzzled into his side scrolling through his own feed. They’d collapsed after a long day of working, and ended up snuggled up together, manifestly ignoring whatever was playing on TV in favour of their phones.

“Man, people are really likin’ it!” his boyfriend said, grin wide and genuine. “Apparently it was really funny, and we gave conniptions to a few chefs, too.”

“Following recipes is overrated,” Kiyoomi said, shuffling a little as Atsumu adjusted his position to sling a warm arm around his shoulders and tuck him closer. “Your subscribers don’t hate me yet, do they?”

“The videos yer in are the most popular ones, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu laughed, kissing the moles on his forehead, “I’ve told ya that.”

Kiyoomi grumbled, but glanced at the screen of Atsumu’s phone. The reception _did_ seem to be very positive, after all. He hid a smile by pressing his face into his boyfriend’s chest.

“I have an idea, Omi.”

He lifted his head slightly. “Hmm?”

“Why don’t I make it a series?”

“…No.”

“But _Omiiii-”_

“ _No_ , the first one was bad enough,” Kiyoomi groaned, “You saw what we managed to make even with a fairly simple recipe.”

“To be fair, Shouyou ate the whole thing.”

“I once watched Shouyou eat a dorito that had been on his floor for hours.”

“Hey now, floor doritos are the best kind of dorito.”

“I want a divorce.”

“Omiii! We ain’t even married yet!” Atsumu complained, pressing his face into Kiyoomi’s neck. Kiyoomi raised his eyebrow.

“Yet?” he asked, running a hand through Atsumu’s hair. His boyfriend’s ears turned pink. “Bold of you to assume that I would marry someone who makes a habit of cooking without a recipe.”

Warm brown eyes met his. “Would ya?”

Kiyoomi shrugged as his own face heated up, and he leaned down to press a kiss to Atsumu’s forehead before resigning himself to the fact that he probably loved Atsumu enough to do anything for him.

“…What recipe did you want to make next?” he asked. Atsumu practically jumped into a sitting position, cheeks rosy and smile radiant.

“Well, I was thinkin’ maybe somethin’ Christmas themed?”

“Like a gingerbread house or something?”

“That’s a great idea!” Atsumu exclaimed, lying back down and snuggling closer to Kiyoomi. “…Collab with me?”

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes, pressing a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

“I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend going to watch the videos that inspired this story. They're hysterical :D
> 
> Come say hello to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/2701Anubis), [Tumblr](https://anubis2701.tumblr.com/), or, if you're a fan of my fics generally (both BNHA and Haikyuu) my [Discord Server!](https://discord.gg/VeAaGy3at9)


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